Darkness might provoke in us the fear of the unknown, fear of not knowing what lies ahead in that gray area of our lives, and fear of losing control over the things that matter to us the most. But most of the time, which sometimes entails always, we just have to let go and surrender to the One who is in control.

Trudging our way towards the most anticipated part of the tour, we expectantly moved to the leading of the tour guides. Personally, I was looking forward to the cave and a little bit worried at the same time. It was the cave we were talking about, after all, I had watched movies and television shows to know what might happen inside the cave.

The heat from the morning sun still fried us as we kept up to the pace of the rest of the pack. The cave was not too far from the area where White Rock was situated.  Tallgrasses were on both sides of the trail, some green, some already dried up. I still had my shawl as a protective gear from the scorching heat of the sun.

As we reached the entrance to the cave, there was a mix of excitement and worry inside me. Fear and anticipation of the unknown. As we began to enter the cave, our pack was giddy, yet the tour guides were on guard and consistently reminded to be careful. We were on the lookout for any rock formation that might hit our heads or any parts of our body. We went up and down as we overcame the boulders and climbed to reach our endpoint.

Inside the cave was total darkness and it was our bad that our group of four did not have any flashlight. Good thing, others from our pack were gracious to share their headlight with us and lit our way as we struggled from almost blindness. One of my friends also used the built-in flashlight on her phone to aid our eyes to the best of its ability and capacity, and we knew how limited a built-in flashlight could do. 

We did not get the chance to take photos inside the cave since we were so occupied conquering our fear of the darkness and overcoming the obstacles towards the exit of the cave. Unlike the time, when we went to Marinduque and sported caving, we had few photos taken inside the cave.

Upon exiting the cave, we were in for a surprise. We were welcomed by a breathtaking view of rock formations. I concluded that the formations formerly catered water, the area must have been a river based on the markings on the stones as if waves hit them over and over again. Another dry area, I thought. It appeared to me like a barren place, thirsty earth, yet rich with history I might never learn. It also reminded me of the canyoneering we did in Cebu upon reaching the Kawasan Falls for the resemblance of their structure. 

The sad part was there some vandals on the rocks, a part of its past when tourists were frequent in the area. But the good part, in the broad daylight, self-imposed photoshoots were possible.  

They say opposite attracts. During this season of love, it is a quote that is timely and for a reason, I don't really care and the reason is I am not in a relationship, but I don't want to sound bitter so I hope you have a wonderful day with your lover. There are times when we feel and appear different both at the same time, just like the White Rock appeared and felt different to me. It looks cold yet heat overwhelms a total opposite, but it is undeniably beautiful. I hope you have a wonderful and beautiful relationship despite your differences and imperfections just like the White Rock. 

A few meters from Mt. Secret is a massive rock formation covered with snow-white sand called White Rock. It gives the winter vibes in the desert-like land as we look at the humongous formation. We rested for a few minutes under the shade while waiting for the sun to hide from us and went behind the scarce sea clouds. It took us longer than we expected for Mr. Sun to hold its shine even just a little moment.

The magnificent massive rock formation reminded us of the movies and television shows. The place is actually a good location for shootings action or tribal-themed production. We could imagine actors, directors, and production staff making their way to the place or doing their stuff in the seemingly remote area. One of the tour guides shared with us the information about Ding-dong Dantes shot some scenes for his show Amazing Stories and also Maymay Entrata's movie Princess Dayaries made the place as one of its locations. 

When we thought as well as the tour guide that the sunshine began to be gentle, we continued our journey and started conquering the White Rock.  We were only in the middle of the climb when the sun radiantly smiled on us again. It was already sizzling hot during the climb, and upon reaching the summit, we were met by the scorching sun on the top of the White Rock. The heat was too much to bear and it pricked my skin like needles. Our clothes and my shawl were not enough to protect us from the sun's energy. It did not take long enough for us to decide that it was time to go down. Some sightseeing and picture taking had sufficed our curiosity to the massive rock formation. It was only nine in the morning yet the sun stood too proud on us. 

No secret remains hidden forever, even the unknown Mt. Secret reveals itself to us. And now that I conquered the heights of Mt. Secret, I believe it will strike its popularity among tourists around the world anytime soon.

The first question that came into mind after hearing the name of our next target mountain to climb is why it was named like that and the same question also came out from my friends when we were already having a conversation with the organizer of the joined tour. As far as I could remember we did not receive a satisfactory answer. The organizer just mentioned that it was named by the locals or by the proprietor of the land where the mountain was situated.

Mt. Secret barely stands at San Rafael, Bulacan. It is not the usual mountain we draw on a piece of paper with a perfect cone shape. It is rocky and even has sharp surfaces. I can compare its shape to the Nagpatong Rock in Quezon. They both have the same texture and somewhat similar shape, but Mt. Secret is smaller than Nagpatong Rock.

It is also coined as The Hidden Mountain of Bulacan, and I still wonder why oh why. I failed to ask the locals as I was busy tending myself from the heat and enjoying the journey with my sister, friends, and other joiners of the tour. I thought it was named like that because it is private property or it was only discovered recently and unconsciously kept hidden from the locals and tourists coming from the different parts of the world.

It was a short hike and the easiest mountain climbing ever since I experienced the thrill and joy of hiking in the year 2018. In the darkness and cold air of the dawn, the organizer told everyone during the orientation that the mountain's height was 300 MSL something and perfect for beginners. It was a relief on my part since it was my sister's first time climbing a mountain.

There were boulders and small rocks of Marmol on our way to the mountain itself. Most of the self-imposed photoshoot began in that area. It appeared that mining occurred somewhere near the mountain and we were not wrong. We could hear explosions when we were already on the other top of Mt. Secret where we climbed through via rappelling, and one of the coordinators and other guides of the tour did not keep it a secret to us that quarrying and mining were actually transpiring at that very moment. 

The place appeared to be dry and on the verge of drought, but there was still a remnant of beauty in spite of the dryness. I was able to capture a picture of a flower I usually encounter from the other mountains I had been and the only tinge of color on the vast space of greens, browns, grey, and white. It is only my observation and maybe already a hush-hush among the tourists and the locals. It is like an open secret to everyone who arrived and captured the remnant beauty of Mt. Secret.

 
Mt. Secret, the Hidden Mountain of Bulacan, will bare it all to you, the good and its bad sides, the danger and the protection it can provide. All of it, nothing is hidden in the Mt. Secret.

A few hours before our set schedule to embark on our journey to Mt. Secret, a feeling of inadequacy lingered in me. I felt so inadequate not as a person but more of as a teacher. I have taught for almost ten years now and I always felt so responsible whenever my students did not get promoted to the next year level or stop schooling somewhere in the middle of the school year, especially towards my advisory class. Though I tried to contact or home visited them and reason with them about the predicament we were in together, yet the endpoint for both of us was still not good. It hurt me more when the reason behind this is family or personal circumstances which I knew I was not allowed and limited to even cross the line. 

The feeling of being not enough as a teacher is more intense now during the pandemic when modular and online distance learning is being implemented where a face-to-face class is not recommended. I am an adviser again for the school year 2020 to 2021 after two or three years of having none. I have 53 students and the last time I counted them, there are 7 students who do not want to continue schooling. The decision came from the students themselves or from their parents via phone calls I made with them or through the Messenger application.

The desire not to push through with their studies is a saddening reality I can relate to. In my adolescent years when everything confused and overwhelmed me was a time in my life when I kept telling to my parents that I no longer wanted to go to school or I desired to get out of the educational system and felt like it was not helping me or even not good to my humanity and sanity. There were a lot of fears going on inside me. The fear of facing my classmates and teachers or in anyone in that place or more like I just wanted to stay at home, buried myself in front of our secondhand and defective television, and watched anime. Sitting in front of the telly was actually my sanctuary, it was from the anime I watched I got comfort and satisfaction.

I was an honor student during my elementary days and it was a shock of my life when I realized that I could no longer keep up with the performances of my classmates, they appeared more confident than I was. The way they answered in the recitation I just could not match them. They were multi-talented: dancing, acting, singing, name it they knew it. As for myself, I was just a girl who hid and suppressed feelings: the positive and negative, the anger and pain I struggled with. I was just too proud to show them all even at such a young age. Probably, because at home we were not properly encouraged to express our emotions.  I grew timider than I already was. I lost interest in my studies. 

I used to blame my parents for my difficulties in expressing my emotions, but it is no longer the situation now after 15 years. Instead, I feel thankful towards them, despite their own struggle and challenges faced during those times they were able to never let go of me, never got tired of my tantrums, never held back to provide my needs the best way they could. I am most thankful for them teaching me about and believing in God and also for saying 'no' firmly when I cried and begged them that I wanted to stop schooling and I no longer desire to pursue an education. 

Gratefulness is what I have towards my parents. They have never been perfect parents, but I am pretty sure that God gave them to me for they are the parents I need as I live my life here on earth. And as for my students, I still contact them from time to time. Aside from those 7 students, I think half of my class is not regularly submitting their outputs this second quarter, and it is such a letdown. Modules and tablets are provided, and I follow up on them from time to time, but I am positive that there are other reasons behind this situation. They may be having difficulties which are evident with the kind of setup we have right now. They maybe hating school, their teachers, classmates, parents, or even themselves, but I hope they do not give up on their education. It seems not easy right now, yet I know that their hard work will be rewarded. They may not receive the reward immediately, it may take years, decades, centuries, maybe even when we no longer dwell in the physical world. 

But I would like to tell them this: Please believe in this child, you are where you are supposed to be. So don't give up on your education. Time will pass and before you knew it you already graduated and reminiscing the silly things you did. I will always be praying for you, sweet child of God. 

There is a season for everything. There is a reason for everything. And all things happen for a purpose.

Before the day ends, she wonders if her life has any purpose, if she is living the life meaningful. She almost cries tonight with a thought of self-pity and insecurities of growing old alone and lonely. She does not want to blame others, it is her choice not to be in a relationship, and to wait patiently for God's best.

Sometimes she has wild thoughts and plans to make "walwal", to get drunk and run wild. She has this worldly idea that maybe just like others, she needs to go with the flow of this temporal world, to conform to ways of the world, so she can finally find the one. 

Sometimes she wonders why people obsessed with being married and having children. Like it is the ultimate goal of life. Like it is a demise if someone would end up alone, unmarried, and without children or even a child.

"You complete me." How much she wishes to say those words to the one. But is it right to tell that to the other person? He might feel the burden and end up destroying her instead of completing her. Remember that humans are limited. The limitations sometimes prevent them to do what they want when they want. Sometimes the things they do not want to do, they do. 

Humans are strange creatures, weird even, but they are beautiful. Created in the image of God, they are more than just a replica, they have Spirit, free will, and a purpose. They are not just for display. They live for a reason in every season.

She feels uneasy, though she knows the truth. The truth about her identity. She is more than just a girlfriend material or a wife material or a mother material. She is so much more than the label society gives to clueless human beings. She knows her identity and it is in Christ, a child of God. Forgiven. Saved. Adopted. 

The world will never stop telling her lies about her identity. There are times she would believe them, but there are also times she steps on and crushes them under her feet. A victor against the lies of the enemy. 

It gets melancholic sometimes yet she knows it is just temporary, that all things shall pass. The joy and the pain in the waiting season will surely come to pass and catapult her to the plans God has for her.

She is getting sleepy from all these thoughts inside her mind. She is an intelligent woman and always seeks Wisdom from God. Life will be good to her, as she journeys and becomes a woman of God, a woman of value, a woman of faith.

Tomorrow will take care of itself. She sleeps safe and sound holding firmly the truth in her heart. 

"Life is good because He is good." She thought to herself as she let sleep dwell on her.