For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
Psalm 139:13 ESV
For He knows
God already wrote His plans and purpose in our hearts and souls. In our mother's womb, He already knew us. He imprinted a blue print of His plans and purpose in our lives. He meticulously engraved every detail in our DNA. Long before we even realize it, we abide in Him as He abides in us, and it is such a liberating moment to finally carry the burdens willingly or on most occassions surrender them all to the Lord and let His amazing awesomeness be magnified and glorified.
Sometimes His plans and purpose in our lives are difficult to accept or even to comprehend. It is humane not to submit since we want control over things that relate to us. We freak out if things get out of control, and again it is humane. Surrendering is connotated as a weak word and most of us do not want to be seen as weak as if it is a taboo. We prefer to portray a strong, brave, and iridescent character. Who does not want a strong, brave, and iridescent character?
I believe that the true esscense of strength, courage, and iridescence comes from Him. The wisdom we get whenever we pray, read, and meditate His words gives us the access to genuine and gentlest form of strength, courage, and iridescence. Therefore, it is a must that we seek wisdom from Him.
Look what I found on the website of Acronym Finder, HOLY BIBLE stands for He Only Left You Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth, which really makes sense since a lot of self-help books that contain instructions on how to deal with life occupy spaces of physical and online bookstore. There is high demand on self-help books as if everyone is so clueless on how to go on with life and I cannot deny the truth in the idea that we are really, most of the time clueless if we do seek true wisdom.
That I have come to know
Along with this journey called life, sometimes or most of the time we all get to have our own dreams and plans crafted from or motivated by the fallen world we all live in. We own them like we were the source of the creation. We own them disregarding the real Creator. But the Lord always has the final say. If they are aligned to His plan and purpose there is a big chance, a miracle even, that He will redirect and repurpose our "own" plans. He has his ways, greater than ours.
I have dreams. Or should I say I had dreams? Some of them, the lesser ones I was able to realize and some of the big ones I decided to forget and not to pursue.
Perhaps for the big dreams that I considered, I did not have the courage to pursue them. Yet. Perhaps, the time was not right. Yet. I was afraid of failure. I did not want to accept that I lacked in many things: finances, talent and skills. Like it was not really for me, yet I forced it instead of actually pursuing it.
The decision to stop pursuing dreams was a bruise on my pride, and it was never an immediate acceptance. It was a long process of struggle whether I stop or put them on hold. And I did stop and put them on hold. I was hurt, pained, and humiliated by my own doings. I felt victimized of my own self-assault. I was hard on myself, unforgiving. Like if I did not get to have or be it, then there was no sense of living. I was on track of proving my worth to the world. The same world that would continue to exist without me in it.
Right now, I am just amazed by how God is putting me back on track of pursuing the old dreams and plans I have, and that I have come to know that my plans and dreams abide to His purpose. Every good thing takes time. I could only pray and seek His wisdom. Everything has its season and when it is time to let go and move on to the next season, I could only pray that I have yet give up because there are countless times that I wanted to give up. It is all thanks to God that I am here.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV
A Year Older
Last April I turned a year older. That is a belated happy birthday to me! Yey! I was not able to post anything on my blog last month. Sigh. I tried to, but it was never posted. I started and was not able to finish those supposed to be blogpost on the month of April. A little disappointing but manageable.
So, May started. We are now in the beginning of this year's second quarter. Life is hard and never easy, yet we are able to be living and breathing up to this point. I am happy for you and me. We are alive and trying are best to stay grounded and continue thriving.
I am a year older, but I do not feel old. This must be what 33 is. I feel young, maybe one of the reasons is my daily encounter with my students. They are playful, and sometimes naughty or difficult to deal with, but that is what youngsters do. They are who they are, it is part of growing up. They do what they are supposed to do. It is a phase where adults need to be patient and understanding towards them, to build relationship through communication towards mutual respect.
Now, I feel like getting older from all the things I have said. I never thought I would have that kind of realization. I had this thought that I am selfish and uncaring towards others. As I grow older, I have come to realize that I can also be selfless and caring to others in my own ways, and there maybe times that my act of selflessness and caring will be misinterpreted by some. I have to improve on that I think, but I no longer burden myself with unnecessary worry or doubt.
A Year Wiser
Am I a year wiser? I do wonder, yet I feel like I am and I know that I am. There is an improvement that is for sure. With the decisions I made and I am making, I think I am a year wiser. I wise up in terms of my financial and social skills. My spiritual health is improving. My relationship with God has been better, and trusting Him that it will get even more better as I grow wiser. I have come to love teaching and learning with my students. It has been a long journey, twelve (12) years in teaching, thirty three (33) years of sojourning in this life. All I can say is thank You, Lord, in good times and bad times. I still have a long way to go.
I do not have too much, but I have enough. God is so gracious in providing my needs, my family's, and the people close to me.
I do not feel good all the time, but I know that my future is in His hands. He takes care of me.
I maybe doubting sometimes, but He is my assurance. Life can get hard as it is, yet His grace and provisions are here to stay.
I am expectant and hopeful for the plans He has for my life. I pray to serve my purpose in this life according to His will and I know it is not easy sometimes, and again life can be difficult as it already is.
Life still has its beauty, even though there are more down times, rather than high time.
Life can be enjoyed, despite the trials and tribulations.
Life is not a race, so do not be in a hurry.
A life with Him is a life of joy, peace, love, trials, and tribulations! It is a not a strom free life, but a storm proof life. Storm proof at 33!
P.S. For those who are curious, yes, I am 200% girl, female, from the lineage of Eve, and other names or labels you can think of. I am a queen and a princess.
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