My mother had invited me many times to attend a Sunday service at the church she had been attending, and I always declined her offer thinking I was busy and it would just get in the way of my plans. I was satisfied with my relationship with God. I believed in Him. I read the Bible from time to time. I bought Christian-based books. I was a self-proclaimed Christian though He was never my priority. He was just on the sideline of my life. I was at liberty to include Him in my day to day life at my own convenience. I thought that was enough.
When everything fell apart, I realized how I was a jerk with that kind of mindset. I was ashamed and guilty of what I had done, of what I had been doing in my life. I lived my life as if it's my own as if I didn't owe Him my life, as if I had made everything possible with my own strength and will alone. I was the center of my world. When my mother invited me again to attend a Sunday service during my trying times, I accepted it. I was taking chances. If it was only Him who could heal me, take away the pain, the guilt, and the shame that I felt, then I was willing to take chances and I had nothing to lose anyway. I was lost anyway.
I started going to every Sunday service and I desired to have a complete attendance even though I was attending classes of my post-graduate studies every Saturday and Sunday. I was determined to always write notes about the message. Most of the time, I always cried during worship. I couldn't help it. Tears were just there, and after I cried I just felt a little better. I was regularly attending the Sunday service, and I came to like the new routine in my life. I decided to get baptized knowing that if I do it means that I would surrender my life to Jesus and He'll be the center of my life. It means that everything I do, I do it for Him, for His glory. I thought attending a church would be a burden, but it was not.
It was April when I was also volunteered in the Sunday school during one summer vacation. I was not sure if teaching in a Sunday school was the same as teaching in an academic school and I was afraid that I might not be able to teach the true message of Christ. But with God's grace, I was able to finish that week. Surprisingly, I enjoyed teaching the kids even it was tiring, I still got joy from it.
~end of part 4~
Enhanced Community Quarantine was implemented in March 2020, and it is already April. The first week of ECQ was exciting and felt liberated from the usual and occasional toxic life I had at work. As we went on the first week Luzon's ECQ, I acquainted myself with my family about the updates on CoViD-19 by regularly watching news on TV, but we got tired of the news. They were just repeated every single day in every news program and the continuous increase of CoViD-19 patient did not make us feel any better. I stopped turning on the TV and diverted my watching time to social media which was not really the best diversion I needed during those time. I even subscribed to Netflix to watch k-drama, Ghibli movies and documentary films, so I could have other options online during this ECQ. Watching Netflix and reading manhua/manga went on until the third of ECQ. It was on the fourth week ECQ that I decided to stop depending on online entertainment, I needed to get a hold of myself I was turning into a 'netizen' anytime soon if I God didn't intervene with my unhealthy routine. Re-calibration happened, I did some gardening after watching how on Youtube and getting free seeds from the office of City Agriculture of City of Santa Rosa through the office of our barangay; I compiled my prose and poems and published an e-book on my birthday; and I got back with my to be read books, there are few of them.
Here are some of the books that I already read. These are good companions during these trying times. They will bring hope, joy, peace, and assurance in this time of uncertainties especially now that ECQ is extended until April 30.
1. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
It is classic literature. This book will remind you of what really matters the most in life. The most important things in life cannot be seen by our naked eyes, it is only through our heart. Yet, we have to make sure that our hearts are anchored to the truth. Because if not, our hearts can be more deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). Only Him can make our hearts holy, always consult to Him in the form of a prayer to see what's really important in the life that we are trying to live on.
2. Love (Selected Quotations) by Paulo Coelho
The author of this is known for his works as inspirational, life-changing, and eye-opener. I fell in love with compelling quotes from the different works of Paulo Coelho. They are spiritual and nostalgic. This book will give you that extra kick you need to believe in hope that can only be found in love.
3. Fresh Start: The New You Begins Today by Joel Osteen
It is a Christian-based book. Fresh Start will give you a head start to living a life where God is the center of it, or for some, it will take you back to your Father if you are in the path where you struggle alone. This book re-route you back to your Creator. It is both spiritual and practical. Aside from text referenced from the Bible, it offers practical application in the Appendix part where it discusses different action plans on how to further deepen your faith and your intimate relationship with your Maker.
4. The Power of I AM by Joel Osteen
This is the book I just recently finished and I really love the message of this book. Just like any other book of Osteen, this one is also Christian-based. It talks about how a declaration of your faith can transform your day to day life into a restful, peaceful, and purposeful one. Life is not easy, but God does not want us to carry the burden of living in this sinful world. He wants to help you, to support you. You just have to surrender them all to Him. Just always remember who you and whose you are. You are the child of the Most High God. You are who He says you are. The book, The Power of I Am, will definitely remind you of who and whose you are. In this time of crisis, we have to remember who we are and who we are.
What's next to my reading list?
These are part of my TBR list, Paulo Coelho's The Deluxe Collection. Total is 12 books to read from PC. I am also currently reading Atomic Habits by James Clear in its e-book format.
Now, it's your turn.
What other books can you recommend to bring hope, peace, and joy during EECQ?
P.S. Bible is the best recommendation.
Surprise!!!
I just released a book on Amazon. You can get an e-book copy for less than a dollar (now $2.99).
This book started to be written last year, 2019. You may get a glimpse of the story behind this book through my blog post series He found me when I was losing myself.
And right now, our minds are already acquainted that Enhanced Community Quarantine or ECQ in Luzon is extended until April 30. Either we get bitter about it or make the most out of this extended ECQ.
Holy week just recently ended. Have you reflected on the course of your life? Have you already found your purpose? Have you realized the true essence of life? In this time of crisis, how do we see life in this unique and unprecedented situation due to pandemic CoVid-19? May you find insights as you continue to seek the truth, just like what I lost and found as I wrote my new book. My experience in writing this book brought me to the truth. The truth can only be found in Jesus Christ after losing yourself. I have hopes that this book will inspire people to move closer to Him.
What the book blurb says?
You can't stop me.
I will keep on moving forward.
You can't shut me out.
I will let my voice out.
You can't tell me what I am.
You have no right anyway.
I am what I am.
That's the truth you can never change.
What's in the book cover?
See you! Stay safe and healthy! God bless everyone!
The seats of the persons who seek professional help gradually
went empty. They were coming in and going out of the door. I heard a loud cry from
inside the room during those waiting moments. It was a constraint and painful
cry. I felt his pain. He was the guy who was in cue with his grandmother. I
even met a teacher while waiting for my turn. She was a teacher at the elementary
level. She was there with her son. It was game addiction that led them to
seek professional help. I was hesitant to engage in any conversation with
her because she might know someone in the high school where I was teaching. But
seemed to be unaffected by the danger it may cause to my situation. I had
thoughts that she might gossip about me with her co-teachers and I feared for
my reputation as a teacher even though I badly wanted to resign. My mother
freely continued her conversation with the teacher I had no intention of joining
them, yet my mother kept on talking with her until she asked whether I was
still a student or working. I didn't how I would respond, and I didn't want to
lie. My mother didn't answer for me, and the woman seemed to be anticipating an answer from me, so I gave in and told her the truth. I worked at school
and as a teacher. She was surprised and asked how I coped up with my
situation. I explained to her that I had an ST or student-teacher. I was very
thankful that I had an ST during those times. He saved me a lot.
My turn to see the doctor came up and I was feeling cold. I was
not sure if it was because I was nervous or it was the just air conditioner of
the hospital working on my body temperature. I was the last person in the line.
It was just I and my mother. I entered the room alone. I didn't ask my mother
to come with me since she didn't also volunteer. I thought entering the room
alone was a better option. The doctor sat on a chair behind her table. The
room's motif was all white. I sat on a chair in front of her table. There was a
little distance between us.
The doctor asked me how I felt. I couldn't talk properly, I kept
on stuttering due to the cold I felt from the air conditioner. I told her how I
felt sad, I didn't want my job, I always cried, I was very sensitive, that
there was a student who committed suicide at school and people kept on dying
around our area of residence, and I also told her about my father, how he used
to get drunk and hurt my mom, turn our house into chaos, then after doing that
he would just leave us at home. The doctor told me she understood me. She knew
that what I was going through was tough. She also asked me I was into drugs or
alcohol, I answered no right away. She prescribed a medicine for me, an
anti-depressant, and reminded me that I should eat or drink chocolate, coffee,
soda, or anything similar to these foods. But there was one thing that I didn't
tell the doctor. I wonder if I had told her about it, would I return for the
next appointment?
I took the prescribed medicine every day in the morning for two
weeks. It was making me feel better. My emotions were not overflowing whenever
I had taken the medicine. I was getting numb. I lost the desire to talk or
engage in any conversation.
Two weeks had passed since I started taking the anti-depressant, and I went back to school after my 10-day leave. I was calm and collected at home since my encounters were only with my family. Since I returned to school, I cooped up in the school's library as I try to refrain from any human interaction. I had a feeling that the medicine
would work best if I avoid any potential encounter with anyone.
I continued to take the anti-depressant. It was working perfectly fine. It was doing its job precisely. But I felt something unnatural about the effect of the medicine on my emotions. It felt like every stimulus that is responsible for my emotions was losing its function. I thought maybe it was enough. The medicine had helped me already, thoughts that I must take hold of my emotions with my own will and take captive of my every thought possessed me. But how? How would I do that? I couldn't even do it before the suicidal incident of the student what made me think I could.
I stopped taking the medicine regularly after that two weeks. I only took it when I felt uncollected and disconnected. I only took it when I was already crying and I couldn't control my emotions and tears just kept rushing on which was not even prescribed by the doctor. I took the risk of irregularly taking the medicine with consulting the professional, which I do not also advisable for anyone of you to do so.
~end of part 3~
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