Ever since I got a glimpse of this book at one of the branches of PCBS here in our place, that was maybe 5 years ago when I had the desire to grab that book and walk straight to the cashier to pay for it, and hid it in my bag until I made it to the seclusion of my room at home. That was my plan. A perfect plan to avoid skeptics in noticing the kind of book I just decided to buy. In conclusion, I was ashamed to be seen buying the book, when a good God allows rape by Joy Tan-Chi Mendoza. 

'I was not rape, why would I buy that kind of book,' these were exactly my thoughts. I didn't experience that grave offense from my violator. I was fine. I am still a virgin. There was no penetration that occurred, so I was really fine to compare to what Joy experience from her offenders. I believed I was on the gentler side of the crime. I believed I should just brush it off and move on with my life as if nothing happened when I was just a child when he touched me. We were family after all. I didn't want to cause an uproar, chaos, or anarchy in our family even though we were not on good terms with some of them, still, I didn't want to make an issue about it. The fact that it happened more than two decades ago and that I didn't have any evidence of the incident left fear in me that no one would believe that it happened to me. I was in denial all those years of my inner struggles. 

Years had passed and I grew up with a lot of issues within me, all of them unresolved and unjustified. I never opened to my parents or even to my friends in high school and college, I was ashamed and felt dirty though I continued to thrive. Our family struggled with poverty as they pursued our education, and  I didn't want to burden my parents by telling them all my unresolved and unjustified issues within me. 

I thought I was still pure. Penetration never occurred. If my memory served me right, it didn't happen. Yet he touched me, and that left an unfamiliar sensation. I desired it, to the point of starving and thirsting for that sensation. Yet I never wanted to let anyone touch me that way, ever again. I felt disgusted just thinking about it, a man touching me. I felt gross, dirty, and frightened. Yet I still desire for that sensation. That thirst continued to grow until my adolescent years all the way to my adulthood. The adolescent years let me discovered that God hated what I was doing to myself during one of the many Bible studies I attended, and I was no longer pure, I was a sinner, I was doomed. God would never forgive me. 

I was seeking that One true God in my adolescence, but I kept on sinning. There were times that I felt victorious over that sin yet I always went back to square one every time I gave in to my desire. Yet. Yet, most of the time I gave in and thought that I was a hopeless case, there was no hope for me. I gave up seeking God knowing that I could never win against my earthly desire.

In my adulthood, I felt a little wiser and confident. I had acquired a stable job with a reasonable salary and began to explore the world with a little bit of courage. I had this idea in mind that everything is possible now that I am an adult. I dreamed big and came up with making it big as an author, a writer. I'd like to write stories from my wild imagination. From this writing journey, I discovered that sex is okay from a worldly perspective, but I strongly believed in marriage-before-sex. I kept my chastity and never had a boyfriend. 

I was tormented all those years of dealing with my sin and guilt. There were days I was doing fine and there were also days I was a mess. I had episodes of suicidal thoughts every now and then. I was living a double life now that I looked back at it. I was trying so hard pleasing God in my own way, yet I could not even surrender my earthly desire. 

At this point in time, I still have struggles but I am no longer alone. I am fighting a good fight with my Savior and Redeemer, the perfecter of my faith, Jesus Christ. He has saved me and forgave all of my sins from the past, present, and future.  I no longer running the race on my own strength, but with the strength that is found only in Jesus. He brought me out of the darkness, and shed light on my life. 

When a good God allows rape reaffirms that my God is faithful to those who love Him. That my struggles and the pain it caused me are nothing compared to what He has in store for me. He is a faithful and purposeful God. 

~Romans 8:28

By the River Piedra, I sat down and wept. It is a fascinating fact that this same phrase is based on a chapter from the book of Psalm. I still find it interesting that Paulo Coelho entangled his books with the writings in the Bible. All the books I read from him offer a lot of possibilities and wonders in the physical and spiritual world. Though his books are fiction philosophical in nature, it is a delight to devour and be devoured in his fascination with spiritual forces in the physical world. I am both entertained and educated every time I read and finished his books. 

By the River Piedra, I sat down and wept. Pilar is me: a girl who had her first love in her childhood days or must I say crushes in my elementary days and a woman who is in denial of the love she still has for the same guy she fell in love with when she was just a child. Well as for me I am a woman who waits for her God's best as of now, after all my conscious effort of doing my way to find the one, I let Him take over and do His way. It was not easy surrendering this desire, I still struggle with letting Him take over this aspect of my life. Yet, I believe He knows better than me, and what's best for me.

By the River Piedra, I sat down and wept. The road to acceptance is never easy same as surrendering. To accept that you cannot do it on your own strength is a sign of weakness in this world and that surrendering is a result of that weakness. Yet, I beg to disagree. Surrendering takes a lot of strength and bravery, again I say, it is never ever easy. But with love everything is possible. That kind of love that surpasses all understanding. That kind of love that brings you peace amidst trouble. The love that can only be found in Him. Pilar accepted and surrendered and fought for her love. 

By the River Piedra, I sat down and wept.

    

 

I don't like this. I feel so naked reading this book. It's like a reflection of a life I have never ever lived if He was never been there for me, because of Him, someone so much greater than me who guides and directs me to where I should go. If He was not there I would have been like Maria, a girl with dreams, so eager to embark to any adventure life in store for her and marry the prince charming she always yearned for, be married with the man she was destined to be with for the rest of her life. 

I was Maria, I think, some part of me is Maria. She represents us, women, some tiny bit parts of her life in this story, Eleven Minutes, is without a doubt a representation of what we aspire and experience in our lives. When she met Ralf Hart, it made all the difference. The tragedy that was about to fall to Maria vanished upon his existence in her life. He saved her. Just like how she saved him.  They compliment each other. In his weakness, she was his strength. In her darkness, he was her light. 

This book has mature contents, not to be recommended to young minds who aren't yet ready to face one of the many realities in life, specifically the harsh ones. There is something redemptive in this story, and that is for you to discover once you read and finish this book. This is a love story, the kind of love you can discover in all facets of life.