The feeling of being not enough as a teacher is more intense now during the pandemic when modular and online distance learning is being implemented where a face-to-face class is not recommended. I am an adviser again for the school year 2020 to 2021 after two or three years of having none. I have 53 students and the last time I counted them, there are 7 students who do not want to continue schooling. The decision came from the students themselves or from their parents via phone calls I made with them or through the Messenger application.
The desire not to push through with their studies is a saddening reality I can relate to. In my adolescent years when everything confused and overwhelmed me was a time in my life when I kept telling to my parents that I no longer wanted to go to school or I desired to get out of the educational system and felt like it was not helping me or even not good to my humanity and sanity. There were a lot of fears going on inside me. The fear of facing my classmates and teachers or in anyone in that place or more like I just wanted to stay at home, buried myself in front of our secondhand and defective television, and watched anime. Sitting in front of the telly was actually my sanctuary, it was from the anime I watched I got comfort and satisfaction.
I was an honor student during my elementary days and it was a shock of my life when I realized that I could no longer keep up with the performances of my classmates, they appeared more confident than I was. The way they answered in the recitation I just could not match them. They were multi-talented: dancing, acting, singing, name it they knew it. As for myself, I was just a girl who hid and suppressed feelings: the positive and negative, the anger and pain I struggled with. I was just too proud to show them all even at such a young age. Probably, because at home we were not properly encouraged to express our emotions. I grew timider than I already was. I lost interest in my studies.
I used to blame my parents for my difficulties in expressing my emotions, but it is no longer the situation now after 15 years. Instead, I feel thankful towards them, despite their own struggle and challenges faced during those times they were able to never let go of me, never got tired of my tantrums, never held back to provide my needs the best way they could. I am most thankful for them teaching me about and believing in God and also for saying 'no' firmly when I cried and begged them that I wanted to stop schooling and I no longer desire to pursue an education.
Gratefulness is what I have towards my parents. They have never been perfect parents, but I am pretty sure that God gave them to me for they are the parents I need as I live my life here on earth. And as for my students, I still contact them from time to time. Aside from those 7 students, I think half of my class is not regularly submitting their outputs this second quarter, and it is such a letdown. Modules and tablets are provided, and I follow up on them from time to time, but I am positive that there are other reasons behind this situation. They may be having difficulties which are evident with the kind of setup we have right now. They maybe hating school, their teachers, classmates, parents, or even themselves, but I hope they do not give up on their education. It seems not easy right now, yet I know that their hard work will be rewarded. They may not receive the reward immediately, it may take years, decades, centuries, maybe even when we no longer dwell in the physical world.
But I would like to tell them this: Please believe in this child, you are where you are supposed to be. So don't give up on your education. Time will pass and before you knew it you already graduated and reminiscing the silly things you did. I will always be praying for you, sweet child of God.
There is a season for everything. There is a reason for everything. And all things happen for a purpose.
Before the day ends, she wonders if her life has any purpose, if she is living the life meaningful. She almost cries tonight with a thought of self-pity and insecurities of growing old alone and lonely. She does not want to blame others, it is her choice not to be in a relationship, and to wait patiently for God's best.
Sometimes she has wild thoughts and plans to make "walwal", to get drunk and run wild. She has this worldly idea that maybe just like others, she needs to go with the flow of this temporal world, to conform to ways of the world, so she can finally find the one.
Sometimes she wonders why people obsessed with being married and having children. Like it is the ultimate goal of life. Like it is a demise if someone would end up alone, unmarried, and without children or even a child.
"You complete me." How much she wishes to say those words to the one. But is it right to tell that to the other person? He might feel the burden and end up destroying her instead of completing her. Remember that humans are limited. The limitations sometimes prevent them to do what they want when they want. Sometimes the things they do not want to do, they do.
Humans are strange creatures, weird even, but they are beautiful. Created in the image of God, they are more than just a replica, they have Spirit, free will, and a purpose. They are not just for display. They live for a reason in every season.
She feels uneasy, though she knows the truth. The truth about her identity. She is more than just a girlfriend material or a wife material or a mother material. She is so much more than the label society gives to clueless human beings. She knows her identity and it is in Christ, a child of God. Forgiven. Saved. Adopted.
The world will never stop telling her lies about her identity. There are times she would believe them, but there are also times she steps on and crushes them under her feet. A victor against the lies of the enemy.
It gets melancholic sometimes yet she knows it is just temporary, that all things shall pass. The joy and the pain in the waiting season will surely come to pass and catapult her to the plans God has for her.
She is getting sleepy from all these thoughts inside her mind. She is an intelligent woman and always seeks Wisdom from God. Life will be good to her, as she journeys and becomes a woman of God, a woman of value, a woman of faith.
Tomorrow will take care of itself. She sleeps safe and sound holding firmly the truth in her heart.
"Life is good because He is good." She thought to herself as she let sleep dwell on her.
To be continued...
Everyone can be creative so says the author, Merlee Cruz-Jayme, of the same title of the book. I had this narrowed understanding of creativity in the field of fine arts. I thought being creative is just for people who have talent in drawing and putting color on the blank canvas, that one should produce a painting to be called creative. Thankfully, my limited understanding of creativity came to an end when I was catapulted to the grown-ups world. As an adult, I discovered that being creative could not be boxed within the corners of a frame of the world's most famous painting.
The author, Merlee Cruz-Jayme, put it simply that everyone can be creative in their very own way. Life has offered everything to us to think outside the box, or even inside the box to find the talent of creativity within us. For sure, it will not be an easy journey finding your own creativity, but life has its ways to always take you back and keep you on track. The simplest thing within our reach can be a catalyst of creativity. Jayme's experience as an ex-nun definitely helped her in fortifying her creativity and it served her well in choosing a career in the field of advertisement. But we do not have to enter a convent and be an ex-nun, so we can find our creativity and a career. We have our own moments of realization and sometimes it takes patience, discipline, and fervent prayer to find what we are looking for.
The book, Everyone Can Be Creative, is a good companion in discovering and rediscovering the creativity within you that may be hidden or just stuck in the corner covered with dust. This book will definitely take you on a step by step journey in claiming back the passion of creativity you may have lost in the process of organizing and fixing your life. It is never too late to get back on track to living a creative life. Be bold and be you.
But first, do not forget to pray and ask for guidance in the new chapter of your life in finding and honing the gift of creativity from above, from the One who makes everything possible, from the source of creativity, the Creator of all things in heavens and in the earth. Get ready and fight a good fight and let your creativity shine like it has never before.
The lady in a pink t-shirt and knee-length maong skirt asked the lady cashier if F. Sionil Jose's books were all on sale. Her fascination with Jose's book urged her to buy his other works to complete The Rosales Saga novel series where The Pretenders belong to. So she went back to the bookshelf in one of the parallel bookshelves. As she returned to the counter to check the discounted price of F. Sionil Jose's book, she decided to double-check the official receipt from the lady cashier, and upon careful scrutiny, she noticed that one of the books she already paid for was scanned at its regular price of 475 pesos, that got the shock out of her. She thought she had the advantage, but it turned out that she was at the disadvantage.
She was cool about the mistake and thought that she still had a change. The lady cashier was a little panicky and apologetic as she tried to come with a solution for overcharging her customer. The lady in a pink t-shirt and knee-length maong skirt was looking forward to the change, but it turned out that payment through debit or credit card was difficult to retrieve for some accounting reason, the accountant would be able to explain. Surprisingly, she was still calmed about the predicament of not getting back her excess payment.
The lady in a pink t-shirt and knee-length maong skirt waited for some moments for her concern to be resolved. She observed patiently as the lady cashier called for a back-up. Help came from another lady who appeared to be a store manager. She suggested that additional purchase could fix the problem, that the lady in a pink t-shirt would have to add books or other items from the book store to compensate her excess payment, and supposedly her change to be.
She did not want to cause trouble or inconvenience on the part of the lady cashier and store manager. Willingly, she accepted the suggested solution. She went back and forth from the counter to the shelves and vice versa in search of a book or books that would be equal to the change she was supposed to get. In finality, she went for 2 books from F. Sionil Jose and 2 refills of Dong-A color green sign pen for NBS to compensate for her unreturnable excess payment.
It was not a pleasant experience, more so the lady in a pink t-shirt and a knee-length maong skirt was surprised at herself for not losing her temper even though it took her long and 4 trips of back and forth from counter to bookshelves and bookshelves to counter just to find the right items to remunerate her overcharge payment. It was also getting late and she badly wanted to go home, but she was not overcome by annoyance or impatience toward the cashier or the situation and circumstance she was under.
When she was asked to fill out a small paper survey form, she gladly answered the needed information. It was a return and exchange survey form, she was not sure of some of the details needed in the form and for the assistance of the lady cashier. She got a response from the staff that they would be the ones to take care of it and submitted the form right away.
Everything did not go smoothly at NBS, yet she was satisfied with how the inconvenience turned into satisfaction. All by God's grace. The lesson learned is always to double-check your receipt before leaving the store, ask the cashier if the books you want to buy for so long are on sale because sometimes they miss putting a new price or sale tag, if possible be patient with everyone, and lastly, always be ready for the surprises in your life.
She was cool about the mistake and thought that she still had a change. The lady cashier was a little panicky and apologetic as she tried to come with a solution for overcharging her customer. The lady in a pink t-shirt and knee-length maong skirt was looking forward to the change, but it turned out that payment through debit or credit card was difficult to retrieve for some accounting reason, the accountant would be able to explain. Surprisingly, she was still calmed about the predicament of not getting back her excess payment.
The lady in a pink t-shirt and knee-length maong skirt waited for some moments for her concern to be resolved. She observed patiently as the lady cashier called for a back-up. Help came from another lady who appeared to be a store manager. She suggested that additional purchase could fix the problem, that the lady in a pink t-shirt would have to add books or other items from the book store to compensate her excess payment, and supposedly her change to be.
She did not want to cause trouble or inconvenience on the part of the lady cashier and store manager. Willingly, she accepted the suggested solution. She went back and forth from the counter to the shelves and vice versa in search of a book or books that would be equal to the change she was supposed to get. In finality, she went for 2 books from F. Sionil Jose and 2 refills of Dong-A color green sign pen for NBS to compensate for her unreturnable excess payment.
It was not a pleasant experience, more so the lady in a pink t-shirt and a knee-length maong skirt was surprised at herself for not losing her temper even though it took her long and 4 trips of back and forth from counter to bookshelves and bookshelves to counter just to find the right items to remunerate her overcharge payment. It was also getting late and she badly wanted to go home, but she was not overcome by annoyance or impatience toward the cashier or the situation and circumstance she was under.
When she was asked to fill out a small paper survey form, she gladly answered the needed information. It was a return and exchange survey form, she was not sure of some of the details needed in the form and for the assistance of the lady cashier. She got a response from the staff that they would be the ones to take care of it and submitted the form right away.
Everything did not go smoothly at NBS, yet she was satisfied with how the inconvenience turned into satisfaction. All by God's grace. The lesson learned is always to double-check your receipt before leaving the store, ask the cashier if the books you want to buy for so long are on sale because sometimes they miss putting a new price or sale tag, if possible be patient with everyone, and lastly, always be ready for the surprises in your life.
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