Music is a companion we all can run to in times of sorrow, victory, joy, and a lot more emotions we can attach to any of our favorite songs. In my song list, the month of July of this year began with songs sang by Moira Dela Torre and some of them were written by her as well. I first heard her from the famous OPM song "Titibo-tibo". I liked the song and still do. It even won the Himig Handog 2017.
She faded away from my radar when she released songs I couldn't even relate with, songs about love and broken hearts from a romantic relationship. I believed I was not the least interested in those types of genres. The message was just too heavy for me and I lack empathy with the songs since I have never been in a relationship, more like I can sympathize, but empathize, I have to be honest I had not yet reached that level during those days.
Fast forward to 2021, I met Moira Dela Torre for the second time and it was through the song "Paubaya" that was released in early 2020. My workmates had mentioned the song in one of our conversations and how it was so hurtful or mapanakit as they termed it. I brushed off their comment I was not still the least interested in Moira's songs.
Again July came and the "Paubaya" song crushed my heart. I even attempted to make a reaction video and all I did was cry and cry. I posted the video reaction but decided to remove it right away. haha. I couldn't bear my reaction and how I cried so much. I sobbed. I wept. I even wailed. What a rage of emotions I had that moment!
The music video of the song got me thinking what if I was one of the main characters, either Julia or Josh. Would I be able to handle and process properly the sorrow and grief that are about to take me given the situation? Would I be able to let go of someone I loved so much? Would I surrender so the one I love can be free and happy with some other person? Would I choose a sane decision of letting go of the love I have for him? Would I make it out alive after experiencing such loss?
I was dwelling on those unanswered questions for the first few days of streaming the song. The trilogy, Patawad paalam, Paalam & Patawad featuring I Belong to the Zoo and Ben&Ben also hit me right where it was needed. They were hurtful, like salt put on an open wound. It felt painful.
The realization that came upon me after the repetitive streaming of the song "Paubaya" is that a person does not surrender the one they love to the other person, instead it is an act of surrendering to the One who knows it all, who is in control of everything. That in one's loss, he or she can gain a lot through God. There is a lot of wisdom to be learned in Moira Dela Torre's songs.
Her songs seem hurtful because sometimes the truth can cause us pain, so much hurt that sometimes we thought it was something that we can no longer bear. Maybe that is God's way of calling our attention and telling us that now is the time to surrender, to let go and let Him carry the weight for you and me.
3 He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
4 He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
5 Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.
Look at that! I can't believe those healthy and greeny leaves sprouting out of that baby-sturdy stem. haha. I can't help but be amazed by the process and the life of planting a seed and growing it into an actual plant.
The Avocado seed was from my co-teacher, Ms. Geraldine. At first, I was hesitant to ask her for a seed ever since I saw her posts on Facebook about plants and the jumbo Avocado fruit got my interest as well as the grapes she has at home. She sure has a green thumb, but I think she has two green thumbs. haha.
I was afraid I wouldn't able to give justice to the life the Avocado seed has, but I was glad I took the courage to ask her even just for a single seed. I wanted the grapevine too, but I felt like it would be too much of me to get that from her for free. haha. Maybe one of these many days, I'll try if there's any post of her about grapes. hehe.
I also sent my regards to her and the progress of the Avocado seed she generously gave to me. Last July 28 was the monumental day, I bravely planted my feelings for him, este, I mean the Avocado seed with all the hope and faith I could gather within me as I surrender everything to the giver of life. I was not really confident, but I was more hopeful that God would make it possible for the seed to grow and prosper and be a fruitful tree.
I intended to bury my feelings for him since it started to flourish beyond my control and I welcomed that moment of turbulence in my emotions. I thought I could handle it as God as my backup, what bad plan I had. Now, I realized I should have surrendered all the feelings I had towards him to God.
Falling hard, yes, I was. Like a bullet train headed to one direction and destination where no one even him was waiting for me. He was never there and he never intended to be there. I guess it was just me anticipating the happy ending of the journey we started together. I created a story where I was the one and only sole author, he said we're on the same boat and I thought it was similar to writing on the same page. But we're completely on different rides. He was on the boat, safe from the ocean, while I was on the paper, a sheet of paper, slowly and certainly sinking deep in the unknown depths of the sea.
I had no one to blame except for myself. I saw it coming, but I ignored the warning. I don't have any regrets, I took the chance and I am still glad I did. It was an experience I explicitly got myself into. And I believe there is a purpose from this encounter with him. No time was wasted. God has already walked before me in this process. Like what I always hear from my brothers and sisters in Christ, we should never neglect to trust the process. I hold on to Romans 8:28 ever since I learned it, it is one of the many promises of God mentioned in the Bible.
Are you still waiting for God's answer to your prayer? Are you getting impatient that until now He hasn't answered your prayers for years and years? My recent read might give you some heads up why up until now you feel or think that God hasn't answered your prayer.
The Power of Positive Prayer by John Bisagno is an old Christian book I finished reading two weeks ago. I hope it is not too late to make a review about it because I feel so "lutang" the past two weeks, probably because another school year just began and I am a little busy, overwhelmed, and making adjustments in the first two weeks. My mind felt so disorganized and bombarded by different thoughts and information that came from internal and external sources. It was really a struggle, in the beginning, I even had headaches and there were nights I couldn't even sleep soundly. One thing that helped me get through it every time is my quiet and praying time with the Lord, and also meditating on His words.
This pocketbook is also a companion during those restless days and nights. Bisagno wrote this book intended for a short read to serve its purpose for those who seek answers for their long-pending prayers to God. He encourages people, especially Christians, to spend more time praying rather than reading his authored book.
Prayer is a great equalizer to all God's children. All of us can have direct communication with the Lord through prayer. But there are times, and when I say "times" I mean lots of them, when we feel like God doesn't answer our prayers. Even though we pray so hard for it and ask for it, God seems silent. He doesn't give us answer about the thing or person that we want and desire the most. And if we are not careful and mindful of the leading of the Holy Spirit, we might succumb to frustration and impatience in times of His silence and lead us to take the matter into our own hands.
In my Christian walk, I came to understand how God answers our prayers. It can be through reading the Bible, by the people around us, or through circumstances or situations in our lives. There are certain conditions to be met for you to get a big Heavenly Yes, and it is clearly stated in John 15:7: If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.
God answers us with a YES, if we are ready, a NO, if it isn't the best for us, or WAIT if we aren't yet ready. And waiting season can be frustrating sometimes, but I am telling you, I'm telling us, it's all worth it. Trust the process and continue to press on. He is in control and He wants the best for us.
Hey! It's Not About Us is a new book I want to share with all of you. I have posted a blog entry about it already and you can know more about it here.
I just finished formatting the book the other week. I don't know if you're aware, but I also write stories, poetry, and prose aside from writing reviews and other entries here on my blog, and I self-published them, my own written books. hehe. For now, this kind of setup is economical for me and my craft, but of course, I also dream of hiring or having professionals to touch my books but now is not yet the time.
I would like to share the process before I release a book. I only came up with three simple and basic steps.
How to Self-Publish Your Book
1. Write your piece
Either you like to write fiction or non-fiction is up to you. You can't publish a book without written works. As for me, writing is an outlet for my emotions and thoughts. It helps me process my feelings most of the time and I also want to write stories that inspire other people. Right now, I haven't written any story like a novel and I have 3 pending series that I must and want to continue, but I haven't, I can't, or maybe I just don't have the right inspiration for those pending works. I've been meaning to finish them, but... just but... I just can't, for now.
And for my draft, I usually put them on my phone and laptop for offline and on Wattpad for online. The pieces included in this book were written from the year 2020 to 2021.
2. Create Book Covers and Illustrations
I use the Canva app and website for book covers and illustrations. Most of the book covers of my books are from Canva, thank you so much Canva! So for my latest book, I got these illustrations and photos from Canva and put a little personal touch, as in super little. haha. On the copyright page of the book is where I put the credits for Canva. Big thanks Canva! Love, love, love!
3. Layout and format your book
Using Microsoft Word, I format my book with the size 5 by 8, use a font style and size that are pleasing to the eye and also readable. I convert the final document to pdf as an e-book format of the book.
And now finally, It's Not About Us is out, today, September 14, and free for all of you to download, just click here and get 3 other books for free. Get them all for free on this special day!
Special shout out Pinunong Pablo! Happy Birthday!
You and the whole SB19 and your story inspire me to pursue my dream. Thank God, for your lives!
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
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